Sunday, January 18, 2004 @9:33 PM
Ambiguity? Promises? Empty ones? Probably not. I mean, hopefully not. Well, I'm happy the way things are now. Many might be wondering. So HOW exactly are things? Well, I don't know. Good? Promising? Interesting? Exciting? Positive adjectives seem to be pouring out. I hope so.
Have been recieving calls from guys who have enlisted. Those guys... first few days called to say how great and wonderful life is in camp. And now, calling to complain. Yes yes, I'll try not to "suan" you guys so much alright? Now they get to sleep with their wives, ie, their guns. Damn sad they say. Well, a long long long break coming your way. Get to book out from Tues to Sunday! How lucky you guys are! Well, I'm a civil servant like you guys, serving the country, or rather, the government. Like it makes a difference. Sometimes I really find the National Education stuff a little annoying. But nevertheless, necessary? It's quite amazing how passionate they are about advocating National Education. Now that I'm in that line, I'd better keep my mouth shut. Just do what they say.
Another week of school tmr! And I'm kind of looking forward to it. It's becoming quite fun. At least I'm familiar with the school now and the students are beginning to forge a bond with me. To that, I'm very glad. Wish me luck at another week of school!
If what you're working for really matters, you'll give it all you've got.
--Nido Qubein
@1:01 AM
First week of school finally over! The first few days was terrifying but things did get better. With my English classes bonding with me and the music classes not climbing over my head. The end of the week was definitely better. Other than my co-form class. Quite a bunch. Thank God there were people who cooperated with me. The rest just get scolded by me every assembly for being irresponsible. My rule is simple. Listen and follow my instructions and I'll be nice to you. Otherwise a screaming session's going to come your way. It has been an experience teaching in a neighbourhood school. All along I knew that the human race is indeed extremely diverse. But I've never had any close contact with different people. Now that I'm teaching, I really communicate with a whole variety of people. Interesting. Anyway, school's fine and I'm beginning to get used to it and like it. =)
A new chapter of my life has began, like 2 days ago. On the 16th January 2004. I just hope I'm not wrong about anything. I hope I didn't make a wrong decision. Still skeptical I am, and I'm really sorry for having that mentality. As my thoughts wander, why didn't you ask me later? Is it too early? I really don't know. And like everyone knows how much I have kinda lost faith in everyone other than my bunch of close close close close friends. After that horrifying and traumatising incident. Maybe a new chapter of my life didn't begin after all.
Anyone confused yet? If so, don't read on.
Once bitten twice shy. So true. Pessimistic I sound but I can't help it! Not that I'm not moving on but there's just this barrier in my mind that I can't pass. Forgive me for me being so pessimistic. I'm really confused and skeptical. While you are like the moon. Always there, but not always seen. I really don't know what to say. Do I want a new chapter of my life to begin? Perhaps. But yet too afraid. Not daring to imagine anything in the future. It hurts too much. And it scares me too much. And yes, I'm speaking of an injury that might never heal. Like my swollen ankle, which is still as swollen as ever after I sprained it. Ouch. Why? and How?
Actually, need I be in such agony. Obviously not. Just let me be happy and carefree like I always am. I love myself and everyone around me.
It's queer how I always have so many questions yet always unable to answer them. Why?
So did it happen? Or begin? Only we know.
"Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it. Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you, no one can take it away."
-- Anonymous
Saturday, January 10, 2004 @11:47 PM
Or will it not? Or will tomorrow be better?
Feeling pretty apprehensive about my relief teaching job. It has been a while ever since I've stepped into a classroom. The HOD (who's really sweet and approachable) assured me that the students are nice people. So I really hope they are. As for the tougher students, it's important to bond with them so that they'll listen and co-operate with me. I wonder how I'm going to introduce myself to them. Be firm or friendly? Wish me luck on Monday! When I step into a classroom again. Teaching English and Music.
Today my dad was telling me to teach properly so that the principal will write a good report in case I'm going NIE. Then it struck me that it could be an option. Stable income. But committment's killer I realised. Perhaps after a while it'll be very tiring. I can't live without work work work and more work. I do need a little of MY own time.
Why in the world am I thinking about this? I've not even gotten my A-level results. What the hell. Life's good now. Let it be so. I feel so busy now but I'm glad I'm doing something fruitful, with enough time to play (hopefully). I'm glad I got myself an organiser otherwise I'll be all messed up. Three cheers to my colourful organiser!
By the way, I got the Sun. =)
"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle."
--Erin Majors
Thursday, January 08, 2004 @9:05 PM
Have you been looking up into the night sky and suddenly realised that you've taken so many things for granted? I have. The immensely beautiful night sky is tremendous these few nights. One cannot help but to look up into the sky. Gaze at the stars. Be blinded by the light from the full moon. As I walk along the pavement from school to the mrt station, the sky just screams out at me in a subtle way to look up. Ironic? Then my eyes shift upwards with my mouth gaping wide open, exclaiming, "Oh my gosh! It's B-E-A-U-tiful!"
My point is it's shocking how sometimes we take things for granted. I mean, how I take things for granted. Shall avoid using the general pronoun before I offend someone. Guess what? I can't wait for school to start again. Though I wish that time could come to a standstill NOW NOW NOW. Contradicting. I love having fun, no worries about homework, assignments, deadlines. But, sometimes I do stop to think about how's life going to be like on the day I recieve my A level results. Positive? Negative? Hopeful? Or is my life just going to fall down to rock bottom on that day? Scary it seems. But people always tell me it's too far away to think about it. But I'll get so traumatised when I think of the MEP paper. Even the nightmares are coming. I have digressed. See how the freaking A levels have destroyed my mental state?!
Anyway, back to taking things for granted. Ever sat down to think about how everything has always been there but we never cherish it? It's I, not we. The world revolves not only around me, but others as well. EVeryone, everything has always been there. But do I really treasure them? Or take it for granted that they'll always be there. Of which I know will never happen. No one can be physically there all the time. Fend for myself they say, but the world ain't revolving around me! Actually, the world is about everyone else and everything else other than me. I want to be in never-never land, where I'll never ever grow up. Never ever got to think about the future. Now, that's impossible isn't it? So quit thinking about it.
I need the sun. To wake me up from my dreams. To bring me back to reality. Of which is so much fun now. To bring me back to me planning about my future. I need the sun!
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thursday, January 01, 2004 @10:26 PM
The new year has finally set in. Time for new year resolutions. The cliched entry of resolutions.
Keep the money rolling in.
Keep the music going at the highest level possible.
Keep up my sanity.
Keep up my level of playing and having fun.
Be more decisive.
No more hesitations about my future.
2003 has been a great year but 2004 WILL be better. It will be. It has to be. It MUST be.
Scary how 2004 will be full of anticipations. A level results in March. University postings. My piano and violin diploma exams. And of course lots of other things. Entering uni will be a whole new phase of my academic life.
New Year party was great. Thank you all for coming. So many people changed their minds last minute. It was irritating but the people who came eventually made up for it. Thank you guys! Drinks were great too. At least not pathetic like Chinablack. Thanks to Daniel for the vodka, which was heavenly. Hope you guys had fun. At least we were not squeezing at some countdown party which was overly packed, sweaty and stinky. =)
Adult fare for transportation begins today! And it sooo totally sucked. BIG TIME. Didn't even think about it until they all went. "Oh no! It's adult fare today!!!" and the usual "dee dee" became a super loud, higher pitched "deeeee" when you tap on the machine. argh. No more taking one bus to chase another bus. No more taking buses or trains for one stop. No more lazy syndrome of walking. The solution for saving money is to walk walk walk. And walk.
We're no more little kids. No more "girls" or "boys". We're young adults! Where responsibility comes in. All that seriousness about my future starts now. When the clock struck 12 midnight. Hope all will be well!
Have a fulfilling new year everyone!
"We are the hero of our own story."
--Mary McCarthy
